Morty and Eusine Save the Wailmers
by not-quite-legit
Summary: Morty and Eusine team up to fight Team Plasma's evils! Will Ghetsis's nefarious plans prevail, or can Morty and Eusine save Unova with the power of friendship? M for drug use and swearing. Oneshot.


Morty and Eusine Save the Wailmers

It was a beautiful Saturday morning in Castelia City. The weather was sunny, the Pidoves were chirping, the morning ferries were running smoothly… until two incredibly stoned men wandered through the northern gate.

"Dude," one man, the slightly shorter one of the two with a black sweater, gay white pants and flamboyant violet-and-red scarf, drawled, "where'd you say that convention thing was again?"

"I dunno, Morty," the other one answered back, fiddling with his extremely heterosexual white cape that was flapping in the wind, "lemme see the flyer. I juss wanna see Suicune."

"No," Morty snapped, stuffing the flyer that had spontaneously materialized in his hand down his pants. His counterpart snarled at him and lunged for the abused paper, which resulted in a possibly traumatic sight for any young children nearby.

"Give me the paper!"

"Fuck off, Eusine!" Eusine's incredibly masculine friend shrieked. Eusine hit him upside the head and Morty's one-hitter fell out of his headband, rolled across the city and went _plop! _right into the ocean.

Eusine stared at him blankly. "Look what you made me do."

"I DIDN'T MAKE YOU DO ANYTHING," Morty said in all caps, shuffling down the street. "YOU'RE JUST A FAGGOT. GO TAKE YOUR STUPID FAGGOT MAGIC SOMEWHERE ELSE." Eusine followed him a short distance, oblivious to the blonde's insults, before noticing an open door and suddenly yanking on Morty's scarf. The ghost trainer gagged and clawed at his scarf with one hand, managing to flip Eusine off with the other.

"DUDE WAIT UP I THINK THIS IS IT." The stoned pair entered the living room of what appeared to be some poor bastard's living room and stood in the back of a crowd of about fifty people dressed like knights. The room smelled like mold and onions. At the front of the room was a crazy man in a snuggie blabbering on about being nice to pokemon.

"My name is Ghetsis, and I am one of the Seven Sages of Team Plasma," the snuggie man said. Eusine yawned theatrically, earning a few amused wheezes from Morty. "I know you all are new here, but we are going to start you off on an extremely important mission. As you may know, there is a lillipup mill in operation just north of Nacrene. It will be your job to storm the facility, rescue the imprisoned pokemon, and bring them back here. Understood?"

After no one raised any questions, Ghetsis and some gorgeous little bishounen with flowing green hair and emerald eyes handed out oversized black suits to everyone. Morty pulled his on over his head, but got lost in it and collapsed to the ground screaming. He was deathly afraid of spandex. Eusine forgot where his thumb was and took a good five minutes trying to put the suit on with his wrists and his teeth. By the time he actually had it on, His head was sticking out one of the armholes and both of his arms were sticking out of the collar thing.

"Dude, Morty! I look like a ninja!" Eusine shouted over Morty's screaming. Morty didn't hear him, so Eusine got angry and kicked him down a conveniently-placed flight of stairs. Minutes later, all of the ninja people were loaded into several white vans and were driven to a location in the middle of the woods. The snuggie man pulled several metal cages out of his butt and handed them to everyone except the gorgeous bishounen, who got a verbal beating instead. Our gay magician hero and his best friend stepped out of the van and walked around the brick building as instructed, but as soon as they were out of sight Morty pulled a big fat doobie out of one of his shoes and grinned. The two then spent their time getting blitzed, Morty trying to fit his head into the lillipup cage and Eusine talking about how much he hated Calculus in Indonesian.

Just out of curiosity, Morty peeked into the building through a nearby window. There he saw two lillipups in a room together, with two big fluffy beds, an abundance of toys, and plenty of food and water. Morty sniffed in sadness as a single corn syrup tear rolled down his cheek.

"Such awful things people do to pokemon," he whispered. Eusine patted him on the back and stood up, throwing his cage in the building's window.

"No man, I see the light now," Eusine said, rubbing a bloodshot eye. "I can see clearly now, the rain is gone..."

"I can see all obstacles in my way," Morty replied.

"WAIT WHAT? SHUT THE FUCK UP, STUPID," Eusine said. "No. I was going to tell you, man.. I was gonna tell you that... like... shit, what was I gonna say?"

"Pffft, that rhymed with the last line," Morty snorted. Eusine glared at him and kicked him down another conveniently-placed flight of stairs. Our favorite magical gay stalker then pulled a lighter out of his pants and skipped around the building, flipping the little zippo open and lighting the white PETA van on fire. A few seconds later, a barrel of C4 conveniently placed in the back of the van as a plot device went up in flames and exploded, killing everyone but the snuggie man, the gorgeous bishounen, Morty and Eusine.

"Well shit, " they all said in unison.

* * *

><p>OH DEAR LORD WHAT DID WE JUST WRITE.<p>

Me and my bestest buddy wrote this monstrosity to subsitute for a school project we never did ,a sort of journal thing that detailed where we went to volunteer for one day a week and what we did. This transpired, and somehow it got an A. I just don't think it's that great, though.

So, yeah. I'm sorry everyone xD.


End file.
